To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.

Protected from wandering eyes.

Comment, bitches.

Enough is enough. I've MUCH more substantial matters to handle rather than having to deal with all of you berating my best friend... over the internet, on top of that. So, I'm going to lay it out for all of you, sans the bullshit.

And before any of you begin a riot about how Ala cannot support herself without the company of her friend, I'd have to call you a hypocrite, and I'm referring to the fact that none of you have seem to let Carol Anne fight her own battle through this. Which by the way, feigning friendship and loyalty to her just to voice your opinions about Ala is truly immature. Whatever Ala had to say about Carol Anne is what everyone else is thinking and for some ungodly reason unbeknownst to me, is too frightened to openly voice. For example, Ms. Alison Ross for instance has many times been involved in belittling Carol Anne, only she never had the audacity to confront her about it. I also can't seem to fathom how Alison tried to make amends for the discord between her and Ala, acting like the air between them was cleared after so long, and then completely double-crosses her by siding with Carol Anne and making very snide remarks when Ala has clearly never done anything to her. In fact, as I remember it, Alison was the one to intrude on Ala's and Darren's former relationship, if I'm not mistaken.

Secondly, Keely has obviously always felt threatened by Ala. Jealousy has never been worn well by its conveyor, and you're no exception. These are my personal opinions, so don't jump to inane conclusions about how Ala might be conceited. To continually insinuate that Ala would actually abuse her valuable time by making a fake profile is, quite frankly, idiotic. And to have some on-going personal vendetta against her because she just so happened not to feel obligated to speak to you during high school or when encountered in public is ludicrous. As if you've ever carried a warm and welcoming disposition that's anything less than frigid. Another point I'd like to highlight is the fact that you reprimanded Ala for "spying" on Carol Anne by reading her comments, when you yourself said that you've read both of our comments before. Another positive trait: hypocrisy. Such brilliant attributes you have, really.

The obvious lack of maturity of everyone I've mentioned here astounds me. Go on, try filling the voids in your lives with more e-drama and see if it's ever sated. Ala will continue to be the person she is and live her life despite your opinions of her. As for me, none of you have ever touched my life personally, so I dare say that your warped perception of neither Ala nor me will faze me.

Oh, and I hope your "plan" makes you feel as if you've used your time constructively for once. If not, oh well. Squandered time is obviously not a new factor for any of you.

puke

On my way home today, I stopped at the top of the big hill.
The sky was a mass of clouds, and in between there was a small clearing where you could see a bit of clear sky and the crescent moon.

We read a book in English called A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, and in it, James Joyce explains his views on beauty. This is argueable, but at the moment it seems relevant.
He said that beauty does not cause desire, and it does not pull you towards it. It captivates you, stops you, makes you gasp.

I found beauty for a small moment today.

I've had this terrible, panicky feeling all day of not being able to breathe. And I can't sleep right now. And I'm so tired. And I just want so much to be able to breathe.

This day feels so weird.

Fuck existentialism.